I know I’ve been absolutely shit at keeping up with this, so I thought I’d give a little insight to what my life is like right now by showing what my average day is like. Here we go:
5.45 AM: Housemate’s alarm goes off, hear it through the wall, curse him silently and will myself to go back to sleep. Think of you, wonder what you are doing.
6 AM: Build myself into a silent rage hearing housemate open and closing doors. Tell myself it’s ok, I still have an hour and 20 minutes before my alarm goes off.
6:15 AM: Check Instagram, tell myself looking at photos of puppies will make it easier to go back asleep. Make mental notes of all the puppies I would send to you if we still had that sort of relationship.
6:30 AM:Housemate leaves. Silence. Wide awake now, start counting to 100 and push thoughts of everything I have to do at work away.
7 AM: Now in a full blown panic about everything I need to accomplish at work, get out of bed in a frenzy. Get dressed, make lunch, makeup on.
7:20: Realize it’s too early to go to work, sit on the end of my bed for 10 minutes. Think about you.
7:30 Walk to bus stop, get on bus, inevitably sit next to someone smelly. The sense of doom that began earlier is now rolling like thunder through my stomach and I can feel my heart beating faster the closer I get to work.
8 AM: Convince myself to walk into the building. Elevators broken, stop on floors 5 and 9 even though nobody pushed those buttons. Make it to my own floor, and elevator doors don’t open, back down to 1, back up to my floor, doors open. Day begins and I’m thinking about you.
8 AM-10AM: Answer emails, write a 15 page support letter. This is the quiet period before the storm. It’s normally only me and 1 other coworker in the office until around 9:30 when other people start trickling in. Convince myself I have a handle on my to-do list. Get a lot done. Tell myself not to text you.
10 AM: Hear the elevator door ding open and feel my stomach drop to my feet. She’s here. My stomach rolls like a boiled kettle. Boss comes in without taking off her coat or putting down her breakfast. Insults my intelligence, tells me my work is easy, asks if I understand, tell me to work faster and that I should be stressed.
11 AM: HOW IS IT ONLY 11 AM?! Time has slowed to a crawl. Edit the letter I wrote. Clean up small tasks for up to 4 other cases. Wonder if you are having lunch. Think about when you used to come home for lunch at your last job. You’d ring me and, if I wasn’t at college, I’d come have lunch with you and watch Scrubs or Jeremey Kyle. Think about how long it took you to make a sandwich.
12 PM: First crisis, often involving a case I was told was not a priority, or a client emails and all of a sudden shit hits the fan. Try to put out the fire, maybe have paper thrown at me, maybe do everything wrong. The kettle is still at full boil.
1 PM: Tell myself to take lunch.
1:30 PM: Actually take lunch. Check and see if you’ve texted me. Convince myself not to text you.
2:00 PM: Back to work. Put together 2 cases for filing. This often takes all afternoon and involves last minute phone calls to client’s, editing documents, printing up to 9 copies of documents, and arranging those documents. Then copying the massive packets that are created. Copier jams, add 20 minutes to copying times. While unjamming the copier, think of how I used to ask you to print things for me at work all the time.
4:00 PM: Realize I won’t get everything done. Start to panic again. Finish putting together packets. Start a new letter. Email client’s so they know I’m still working on their cases, try to put the ball back in their court. Boss comes in and reminds me again to panic. Gives back a letter she finally checked from yesterday, tells me it can go out today after I edit it. Frantically edit the changes, which includes taking out words she doesn’t “like” like “aforementioned”. Tells me it’s like English is my second language.
5:30 PM: Realize I’ve worked an hour and a half of overtime and am starting to feel like blood is coming out my eyeballs. Keep working.
5:45 PM: Notice that I am one of the last 3 people in the office. Even my boss has left. Tell myself it’s ok to go home. Have another moment of panic when I realize how much I have to do for tomorrow. Walk to the bus stop. Bus home, crammed in with a hundred old Asian people none of whom stand taller than my shoulder. Think about how nice that random man’s jacket would look on you. Want to text you and ask if I should mug him for it because I think you’d laugh. Feel my stomach boil turn into a simmer. Slowly shed my work thoughts and start thinking about applying for jobs.
6:05 PM: Come home to my housemates playing Call of Duty. Immediately open my laptop to start applying for jobs. Brain starts to melt. Open up jobs I think my suit me. Realize I have no energy to write a cover letter. Decide to make dinner and tell myself it will be easier after I eat.
6:30 PM: Dinner done. Look at jobs again. Close most of the tabs because re-reading descriptions make me realize I’m not qualified or not interested. Tell myself to write the cover letter. Watch a new episode of Orange is the New Black instead. Ok, ok, watch 3 episodes of Orange is the New Black. Send you a picture of a puppy. Just one!
9:30 PM: Shower. Try not to start thinking about work or about you.
10:00 PM: TV with my housemates or reading.
11:00 PM: Bed. Think of you incessantly. Think of work second most. Know I have to wake up soon, but can’t clear my head of you or work enough to sleep right away. Most of all try not to think of scary things that will give me nightmares. Otherwise I will wake up in the night wanting to text you.
12:00 AM: Put on an episode of the Office to fall asleep to. Go to sleep thinking about us watching the Office together. Have sad dreams about being happy.
Then I wake up and do it all again. Great times. Thrilling life! I know everyone is so jealous. What a wild adventure! Hopefully things will settle down soon at work and I will be back with my regularly scheduled morbid/melancholy posts. Until then…just refresh this post every day for an accurate account of how things are going with me. Even on Saturday, because I get to work weekends now, hurray!
How to Not Make it in Your 20s 