Building a bridge

In response to my last post, one of my friends–who I am fairly certain is the only person checking this blog anymore– expressed concern for me over how sad it was. I was focused on the work bit of it, while she was focused on the ex part of it. I’ve known for awhile that something’s not going right here in my “cry-me-a-river-build-me-a-bridge-and-get-over-it” phase. I’ve cried the river, but I haven’t built the bridge and I’ve certainly not gotten over it. Like all construction projects, it seems my bridge was halfways built when there was some sort of union issue and construction has shut down indefinitely. So now here I am, my river of tears all cried, and no way to get over it. 

We broke up in September. For good. I keep having to tell myself it’s for good, and I do know it’s for good, but my heart still fights me on that front a bit. I have days where I think I’m fine. I’m getting on, happy even. But then something great will happen, I will have a nice drink, a nice meal, see a nice view, and I will wish he was there to see it, taste it, and feel it with me. Or worse, something bad will happen and he is the first person I think of to tell it to. I spent many, if not all, of my most defining years loving this person. It’s not so easy to wash that away. I see other people do it all the time, jump from spending years with someone to dating the next person that comes along. I guess that isn’t my style. I don’t think it’s very fair. I wish I could of course. I’d flip my feelings switch and be on my merry way. Unfortunately, I’m more the type to lay in bed at night, try to force the good memories out and focus on the bad, try to get my construction workers moving on building the bridge to get over it again. I don’t know how long it will take. The freeway on the way to my aunts house has taken nearly 7 years to get built. I’m not thinking it will take that long, but who knows with these types of projects, really?